The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen Read online

  THE EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN

  Told in the form of

  a NEW STYLE of GAME

  termed RÔLE-PLAY

  by

  BARON MUNCHAUSEN.

  The THIRD EDITION,

  Considerably enlarged by the Baron’s own hand,

  with many remarkable stories and advice to his readers.

  Ornamented with many fine illustrations by Omar Rayyan.

  Originally printed for John & Edward Wallis, Snow Hill, 1808.

  This edition compiled by James Wallis and published by Fantasy Flight Games, 2016.

  © 2016 James Wallis. This edition published by Fantasy Flight Games under license. The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen is a trademark of James Wallis. Fantasy Flight Games and the FFG logo are registered trademarks of Fantasy Flight Games. All rights reserved to their respective owners

  ISBN: 978-1-63344-280-1

  Dedicated, humbly, to the ladies—Catherine, Eliza, and Florence

  A Note to the Reader: The Baron uses “he” as a generic pronoun in much of this book. This is because the Baron was born in 1720. We apologise to any offended by this usage or any other unfavourable language, and also to any politicians, lawyers and other reprobates and scoundrels who may find themselves insulted in the course of this text, as well as the inhabitants of many nations, but principally the French.

  SO YOU wish me to regale the group with the tale of how I found and then lost the fabled continent of Atlantis, do you? I remember it well indeed, a stirring event filled with swords, seduction, and saltwater, and one that none should dare question! It began last June when, due to an ill-considered bet, I had become the cook on a pirate vessel in the Atlantic. I was roused one day by the sound of the crew desperately fighting off a gigantic monstrosity that sought to pull our ship down to its abyssal home. A ravenous kraken!

  But sir, I had heard that the French Navy controlled those monsters?

  Indeed so, a fact I could tell from the beret it wore. I grasped my sushi knives and sprang into action, not only driving back its foul tentacles but also turning them into lunch. As the terror slithered down into the briny depths, I decided to follow it to learn what its French masters intended and leapt onto its back. As it surged away, and I clung on for dear life, in the distance I could glimpse shining towers appearing from the churning waters.

  A likely story. I’ll wager it was the towers of Paris!

  That, my friend, depends entirely on the size of your wager.

  THUS BEGINS a new story in The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen, the unique game of tall tales and grand boasts. Here, you and your fellow players adopt fictional guises and challenge each other to tell stories of your incredible feats and gallant adventures. You’re also competing to make your tale the most fantastical and outlandish, for surely your own escapades are the greatest of them all! You can even dispute each other’s stories, forcing players to accept objections or add new details, thus making their stories even more extraordinary.

  Each session is a memorable experience filled with original stories that can never be topped—at least, not until the next time you play. Above all, though, the game is about having a fine time in the spirit of the Baron himself, who was known far and wide not only for his own impressive exploits but also for the skill in which he related his tales to spellbound listeners. Playing the Baron’s Game requires no dice or pencils, just your wits and imagination in crafting wondrous stories for everyone’s enjoyment, plus a few coins to use for your wagers.

  This new edition includes expanded ways of playing the Baron’s Game, filled with new plot ideas, game variations, story settings, and more to ensure even more opportunities for creating fantastical adventures. So, in the spirit of the Baron, pull up a chair, pour yourself a glass to keep your throat from drying out, and prepare to be dazzled and delighted by the most extraordinary adventures you’ve ever heard!

  CONTENTS

  VOLUME I

  PREFACE

  INTRODUCTION

  The Baron introduces himself and his game. Calls for cognac.

  THE PLAY OF THE GAME

  A tale of the remote Amazon. A description of the game as it is played. A slightly sordid anecdote of dubious provenance.

  EQUIPMENT

  What you should send your manservant to procure if you wish to play this game.

  STARTING THE GAME

  Gathering the company and giving each a purse. On untrustworthy servants. A digression about paper money and glass beads.

  CHARACTER GENERATION

  In which the Baron almost avoids writing this section.

  BEGINNING THE PLAY

  Choosing the first story-teller. Choosing the topic of a story. Beginning the telling of the tale.

  WHAT IF THE STORY-TELLER SHOULD PULL UP

  A section whose purpose is explained by its title.

  OBJECTIONS, CORRECTIONS, AND WAGERS

  The clever part, including an illustration of play in which the Duchess of Dunstable finds herself in a ticklish spot.

  ON BEING NOBLE

  A long, dull, and entirely unnecessary digression, saved only by its erudition. Concerning Italians.

  COMPANIONS

  A further digression on the people who may accompany noblemen on their travels. The difference between them and servants, including many insulting remarks about the French.

  OBJECTIONS AND WAGERS, CONTINUED

  In which the Baron clarifies a number of the matters he had left unexplained before he began his digression.

  DUELLING

  Refusal to term it the “Combat System.” The nature of duels, for which the Baron shows too much relish. Finding a second after midnight in Prague. An appeal for money.

  DUELLING FOR COWARDS

  In which the Baron displays a lack of respect for his readers, and goes to dinner.

  THE RESULT OF A DUEL

  Rules stuff. Bounty is not explained in this section.

  FINISHING A STORY

  Finishing a tale. Pointing out to others that they have finished their tale. Forcing bores to conclude their narrative. The passing of play. Bounty is not explained in this section either.

  PASSING THE STORY

  A way to bring a dull tale to a swift end and a better teller. Certainty that the Bounty will be explained soon.

  DETERMINING A WINNER

  How to decide the best story. Voting for a victor.

  ENDING THE GAME

  Mercifully, a short section, mostly about buying wine.

  A WORD ON TACTICS

  In which the Baron describes why he is known as the finest raconteur in all of Europe.

  IN CONCLUSION

  A false start.

  BACKGROUND

  In which the good Baron essays to change the title of the section to “Historical Setting.”

  HISTORICAL SETTING

  He succeeds. A brief description of the world as it is in 17—.

  IN CONCLUSION

  The Baron’s closing thoughts.

  APPENDIX ONE: TELL US, BARON, THE STORY OF…

  For those with little imagination, the Baron here provides more than two hundred ideas for adventures to be told among the company, using many of his own exploits as inspiration.

  APPENDIX TWO: THE RULES IN BRIEF

  The rules in brief, for ease of reference and for those who have not been paying attention.

  VOLUME II

  PREFACE, PART TWO

  A most remarkable story is told of how the second part of this game was discovered, extraordinary enough to be one of the Baron’s own tales.

  TH
E BARON’S LATE ADVENTURES IN ARABY

  A variation on the Baron’s original game, in the form of a letter. Being a letter, it has no chapters and thus goes on for several pages, which we represent by the length of this description, so as to indicate to readers the duration of the Baron’s writing on this most interesting subject. Four and a half lines should be sufficient.

  ES-SINDIBAD’S RULES

  The Baron describes the variant rules for his game created by the traveller and teller of tales, Es-Sindibad the Sailor.

  MY UNCLE THE BARON

  A new set of rules, a simpler form of the Baron’s original game, which he intends for the use, pleasure, and edification of children, the inbred, and those who are very drunk.

  TO PLAY THE GAME

  The Baron makes a first attempt to return to the matter of writing a game. Fails in spectacular manner. Essay on the Antipodes and a novel way to travel there. The Baron meets a god.

  TO PLAY THE GAME

  The Baron proposes dividing the section in two halves. Fails so to do and becomes confused.

  TO PLAY THE GAME

  The Baron realises his error and reverts to his former scheme.

  LUDENS MINOR

  A section of great erudition concerning the origins and history of the Baron’s new game, of much interest to scholars and others who may purchase this book. The Baron meets another god.

  TO PLAY THE GAME

  In which the Baron begins to describe how to play the game. Cake is mentioned, not for the last time.

  THE FIRST ROUND

  How to play the first round of the game.

  CHANGING TACK

  Describing the manner of altering the direction of the current story.

  FALTERING AND FALLING

  How a player may give his fellows a chance to remove him.

  CHALLENGES

  How the remaining players may take advantage of a fellow who falters or falls in order to remove him.

  A SECTION WITH A TITLE TOO LONG TO REPEAT HERE

  Beginning a new round. The rules for another most amusing game, “Quis exit?”.

  LUDENS MAJOR

  An additional rule for the game to add spice and danger, for those who have grown bored of its simpler form.

  BY WAY OF AN EXAMPLE

  A demonstration of the game as it is played. More cake here.

  MY UNCLE THE BARON ONCE…

  A collection of tales for the use of those incapable of thinking of their own due to a paucity of suitable uncles or an excess of wine.

  MY SHORTER UNCLE THE BARON

  The rules of the game in a summary, written by a friend of the Baron’s using fewer words.

  EPILOGUE

  In which the Baron tells the most extraordinary story of his life, at which all readers will marvel and be amazed.

  VOLUME III

  PREFACE, PART THREE

  In which we are introduced to a modern Munchausen, and a most wonderful deal is struck.

  VARIANTS

  COMRADES, OR SOVIET IT GOES

  In which everybody is awarded the Order of Lenin.

  PROTAGONISTS, OR GUTENBERG’S REVENGE

  Six characters in search of an author, a story, or at least a stiff drink.

  INVENTORS, OR PATENT NONSENSE

  A set of rules to test the players’ powers of invention.

  SUPERNATURAL, OR THE MONSTER MASH-UP

  It is revealed that the denizens of the dark are living among us, if “living” is the right word.

  VETERANS, OR REWRITE-ONLY MEMORIES

  In which everyone remembers exactly what happened, but nobody agrees about anything.

  NEOLITHICS, OR CAVE CATAN

  Some stories are writ in stone, some are writ while stoned, and some are writ by those with rocks for brains. Come with us to the Stone Age and find which you are.

  SUPERVILLAINS, OR SMERSH AND GRAB

  At last, here is a chance to show off your secret plan to take over the world, and for someone else to reveal its hidden flaw.

  OCCULTISTS, OR THE RECALL OF CTHULHU

  Wherein the players try to forget things that humans were not meant to know, though surrounded by humans who want to know them.

  PSYCHOGEOGRAPHICS, OR MUNCHAUSEN CRESCENT

  A collision between the Baron’s game and the well-known parlour pastime Mornington Crescent.

  FORCES, OR SPACING VADERS

  A variety of outer-spacial adventuring for the kind of outer-spacial adventurer who begins counting at four.

  CATS, OR ONCE MORE WITH FELINE

  A discourse on truthfulness, the deceptive nature of pets, and an unanswered question of Munchausenic history.

  IMMORTAL, OR ETERNAL AFFAIRS

  Stories for the very old.

  EPILOGUE

  In which the designer of these games takes his leave without paying his share of the reckoning.

  APPENDIX ONE: PLAYING ON THE LINE

  An addendum from an unknown source, describing how to play the Baron’s game using semaphore flag-waving, smoke signaling, pigeon messaging, and other forms of communication-at-a-distance.

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS, AND THOSE WHO AIDED THEM

  An accreditation of those deemed credit-worthy.

  VOLUME I

  PREFACE

  THE NAME OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN IS ONE THAT scarcely needs introduction at any level of society: all England —nay, all of the world— has resounded to the telling and retelling of his adventures and deeds of great heroism and renown. Some claim these stories to be exaggerations or boasts; some see them as fables or metaphors; but there are some still who believe them to be nothing less than the unvarnished truth, and I number myself among that company.

  It was my great fortune to meet the Baron a handful of years before his untimely death, in the port of Dover. He had, he claimed, ridden over from France on the back of a sea-horse in order to visit Lord K—,whom a few years previously he had saved from perishing at the rim of the volcano Vesuvius during the military campaign against those firesprites which had laid waste to so much of Italy. (It was the Baron’s contention after examination of the ruins at Pompeii that it had been the ancestors of these sprites, and not the barbarian hordes, that had caused the fall of the Roman Empire.) He professed to a great love of our capital city and an unfortunate shortage of capital wealth, and accordingly I suggested to him that after he had visited the noble lord he should spend a few days in London in order that he might enjoy the hospitality of my family, and during which time he could create a new game for us, based on his famous travels and adventures, to be published by my company for the enjoyment and edification of the reading public.

  It had been the Baron’s scheme to proceed from Lord K—‘s estate in H—shire to Scotland, where he proposed to harness a carriage to a flock of golden eagles and fly them to the Sun, as a gift for his friend the King of that sphere. However, he agreed to honour our house in London with his presence, and duly arrived with us a few weeks later, where we began to essay the creation of this manuscript.

  Perhaps it was my fault for an excess of zeal at the prospect of publishing the design of so august a nobleman, or perhaps it was a mistake to leave him under the sole editorship of my son Edward, who had of late been spending much time visiting gin-shops and dens of ill-repute in the company of several young designers of games from the Americas. Whatever the problem and whereinsoever lay the blame, the manuscript which the two of them produced had, I learned soon after the Baron’s departure, captured altogether too much of the Baron’s style as a raconteur and bon viveur and too little of the rigour which must inform great designs, such as Edward can produce when not under the influence of foreigners and other undesirables. (I recommend his game An Arithmetical Pastime, published this year, as a fine example of his better work. He is not a bad lad.)

  A game of such radical type as is contained herein will, I know, have no success in the London of the eighteenth century nor, I believe, of the nineteenth century. It is therefore my
intention to seal this valuable—and, I should add, expensive, the Baron being a man accustomed to the grandest living and the finest wines and liqueurs, of which he completely emptied my cellar—manuscript, together with this letter, in a place wherein one of my descendants may find it and, recognising that the fashion in games has changed sufficiently for a curiosity such as this to find its audience at last, may publish it to the acclaim it deserves.

  John Wallis, publisher of games of quality.

  No. 42 Skinner Street, Snow Hill, London

  this year 1798.

  What he said.

  James Wallis, director of Hogshead Publishing

  London, 1998.

  But see VOLUME II.

  James Wallis, director of Magnum Opus Press

  London, 2008.

  And also VOLUME III.

  James Wallis

  London, 2016.

  INTRODUCTION

  Wherein Baron Munchausen explains the reasons for the writing of his game.

  AS I AM A MAN WHO IS KNOWN AS MUCH FOR HIS scrupulous honesty in the retelling of his tales as for his amazing adventures around, across, and in some cases through the circumference of the globe, I have been asked by my friends why I should wish to put my name—an old and most distinguished name: according to the family records, there was a Munchausen stowed away upon the Ark—to a game for the telling of extraordinary tales and unlikely anecdotes.

  My answer is simple. My reputation, and with it the retelling of several of my astounding adventures, has spread throughout the civilised world, across oceans, to deepest Afrique and farthest Nippon, to the twin worlds of the Sun and the Moon and the strange peoples who live there, and even into France. Therefore, wherever I travel, I find that I am constantly prevailed upon to retell these stories, which requests I feel unable to refuse, being a man of noble breeding.

  Accordingly, I find myself without a moment’s peace from nincompoops who would hear once again the tale of how my companions and I were swallowed by a whale, or how I rode a cannon-ball through the sky over Constantinople. And often I am rewarded with nothing but a small glass of the roughest brandy, or even water! Am I some marketplace story-teller to act and jig for their amusement? No! I am a nobleman, a soldier, and an adventurer, while they are ninnies all, and henceforth I will have naught else to do with them, or be damned.